Had Sunday's Bengals game against the apparently never-say-die Denver Broncos been a Super Bowl contest, it would be considered one of the greatest games in NFL history.
"I've seen some things in football, but never anything quite like this," Denver running back Correll Buckhalter said as he tried to put a spin on what happened in the final minute on Sunday in Cincinnati.
Had Sunday's fast-finishing, head-spinning drama played out on a championship stage instead of at technically sold-out Paul Brown Stadium, the Broncos' Brandon Stokley would be elevated from serviceable receiver to the Franco Harris of his day - the lucky recipient of a deflected pass who scored the game-winning touchdown on a miraculous fluke play in the final seconds.
If Sunday September 13 had in fact been Super Sunday in February, Denver quarterback Kyle Orton, busted index finger and all, would be an instant folk hero, even in Chicago, where Orton once toiled and frustrated Bears fans, and where former Bronco QB Jay Cutler can only hope to put together something resembling what Orton managed to orchestrate against the snake-bitten Bengals.
Had Sunday been a Super Bowl game, it would have been the Bengals' third loss in 29 years at the highest level of competition in the football world. And they could, at the very least, be crowing about being second-best among 32 professional teams fighting for the same prize in a league where parity has gone wild.
Uh, reality check.
This was the Bengals' opener, the tone-setter for the 2009 season - a game that can go a long way toward defining what kind of team is plying its craft down by the Ohio River at PBS - a team that's had one winning season in the last 18 years.
What's more, these are the Bengals, men in orange and black stripes who seem like flies stuck in Vaseline. When the Bengals do something good, their fans expect something equally as bad, or worse, to happen, in order to counter the high so that all is well with the universe, which works against the Bengals.
When the Bengals do something bad, they perpetuate the stigma - They're the same ole' Bungles.
It's a lose-lose situation right now for the Bengals, and they just lost, again, for the 25th time in their last 36 games.
On Sunday, while somehow managing to lose to the Broncos - perhaps the most beatable team on the front half of the Cincinnati schedule - by a baseball score of 12-7, the Bengals did a lot to re-enforce their image as losers.
But to boil down Cincinnati's opening-day loss into oversimplified terms would be doing a disservice to the Bengals, a team that confounds their fan base by teasing it with greatness before displaying their true colors which leave their put-upon fans feeling ever bluer.
However, there are many positives for Bengals fans to revel in, following Sunday's nightmare conclusion, including the play of the much-maligned and vastly improved defense, which should not be unfairly scapegoated for this improbable loss.
Also, quarterback Carson Palmer, seeing his first regular-season action in nearly a year, looked pretty dang good, despite all the dropped passes. He finished 21-of-33 passing for 247 yards and looked especially effective late in the game - he was 6-for-6 on the final drive - and got up from some jolting hits throughout.
The receiver formerly known as Chad Johnson had his groove on, whatever the current Mr. Ochocinco's beat may be grooving to. He had five catches for 85 yards and key first-down catches on the Bengals' scoring drive after his most miserable season in the league last year.
And there was that last Bengals drive, a 91-yard thing of beauty that put the Bengals ahead 7-6 on Cedric Benson's 1-inch plunge; an 11-play series that showed what the offense is capable of doing when it gets its smash-mouth running game in sync with the passing game.
And, there's this. There are 15 games left in the season, plenty of time for the Bengals and their fans to absorb this stinging loss and rebound to better things - hopefully at least nine wins and some smiles, for a change.
If there is an NFL team that gets more out of winning than the Bengals, I'd like to see it. If there is a team that could have used an opening-day win more then the Bengals, then that team also is looking for its identity. For the Bengals, that's a treasure map without an 'X'.
There was no 'W' for the Bengals in a mildly must-win game down by the river on Sunday, and that doesn't necessary mean we got trouble right here in River City, again. It just means these are still the Bengals - the only team in the league it seems that can lose a football game on its own great defensive play after taking the lead with 20 seconds to go.
But, don't blame Leon Hall, the Bengals' vastly improved cornerback, who nearly did what he was supposed to do when Denver had the ball on second down and 10 from its own 13 yard line.
Hall blames himself.
"I've got to knock it to the ground," Hall said. "Either that or pick it off."
Hall, who was quoting Bengals founder Paul Brown all week as a motivational ploy, made a play. He saw Orton's sideline pass intended for receiver Brandon Marshall was speeding his way. Hall jumped high in the air and got his right hand on the ball, whose fate did not smile on the Bengals as it wafted into the air before settling into the waiting hands of Stokley, who just a moment earlier had his back to the play.
Stokley, known more for his headiness than his prolific statistics, grabbed the ball out of the air for his first catch of the day at the Denver 43 and raced the rest of the way for an 87-yard tipped pass touchdown reception with 11 seconds to play in what proved to be a wildly auspicious head-coaching debut by Denver's Josh McDaniels.
"Unbelievable," Stokley said after the game. "It was by the grace of God right there."
For all the new Bengals, and there are lots of them, with rookies galore and a total of 23 players who are new from Week 1 last season, Sunday served as a reminder of who they play for while cashing those big checks. They play for the Bengals - a team that finds the most improbable way to lose a football game just about every Sunday, going on every Sunday since 1990.
Only die-hard Bengals fans and Cincinnati natives who are not such rabid fans can truly appreciate how typical Sunday's ending turned out to be for the hometown men.
Bengals head coach Marvin Lewis tried to put Denver's stolen victory into words, saying, "Obviously, that is not the finish to a football game that you want to have. I told the guys that (when) we have an opportunity to win the football game right there, we’ve got to find a way to get the ball batted to the ground or make the tackle over the top. It’s a disappointing way to lose. We played our butts off throughout the game — we kept battling — but we just didn’t make plays to win. We shot ourselves in the foot numerous times offensively."
The task now for coach Lewis and his men is to avoid a letdown, and not let this nightmare loss fester. They need to keep their heads up. They need a good week of practice. They need to stay focused. They need to rebound in Green Bay on Sunday with a win to avoid an 0-2 start before taking on AFC North Division rivals Pittsburgh, Cleveland and Baltimore over a three-week stretch.
It's a hard-knock life, when you're the Bengals.